I woke up this morning and I couldn’t be more grateful. Thank you, Dhennver and Hui Ling for saving my marriage, for saving me and for giving my children a father they can finally bond with.
For 27 years, I suffered mental and verbal abuses from my husband. It drove me to hurt myself physically and wanting to end my life; there were so many times when I spiralled back to when I was 17 and could not take anymore of the mental, physical and verbal abuses from my mother. At 17 years of age, I tried to end my life but I survived just to keep spiralling back into that moment again and again. My husband brought out this insane rage in me that made me want to destroy everything in my path because I felt trapped and couldn’t find a way out.
I was told that our marriage is one made in Heaven; my husband and I are soulmates who are destined to meet again in this life. I couldn’t understand why I was so drawn to him despite all the suffering. Why I couldn’t end this ‘contract’ that we made.
Over and over again, I contemplated walking away and leaving our children with him so that I can start afresh on my own, but my intuition held me back. Despite his weaknesses, I knew there was a different side of him buried so deep that he was silently crying out for help. I knew I was his only hope and his world would fall apart if I left.
Bear with me as I tell my story and the amazing journey of how ECR saved us and gave us a second chance. Today, as I recall the past and reflect on how we have changed, I am amazed and truly grateful. I no longer live in fear or anger, I no longer have to anticipate his moods or be on guard to step out of his way. I can be myself and feel safe. Sadly, I may not be attracted to him like how I used to be but I believe, one day, the spark will ignite again.
My husband was the most arrogant, self centered, stubborn, miserable person who had such a massive ego that he would constantly be repeating things like ‘I am greater than God’ and ‘I am right, I am always right’. He had an explosive temper that can be triggered by almost anything and he will not hesitate to speak his mind or put me down in public. I was always at the receiving end of his rage; I was always his punching bag. The words he used would slice deep wounds in me and over the years, I became engulfed in darkness and I was literally drowning.
I tried so many times to pull myself up and out, only to be buried again by his words. Thankfully, he never once raised his hand on me but the mental and verbal abuses shattered my confidence and self worth.
2 years back, I met Dhennver and Hui Ling for the 1st time. I was at the rock bottom and was physically hurting myself again. Hui Ling took one look at me and said ‘On the outside, you look very happy but on the inside, you are about to snap and take your life anytime now’. Hui Ling saw through me and read me like an open book. The front that I put up all the years crumbled into pieces and I started sobbing like a child. My spirit was broken and my heart was desperately pleading for help. All these years, I have been living behind a mask and in my own make belief world just to keep myself alive.
I knew I needed to save myself so I enrolled for the ECR sessions without hesitation. As the saying goes….you need to help yourself before you can help others; you can’t pour from an empty jar. And so the journey of healing began for me.
It wasn’t until this year that I decided to do the ECR for my husband. I believe it’s all about timing and the time had finally arrived. I probably needed the time to heal before I could represent my husband in the ECR.
Believe it or not, 1 round of ECR (5 sessions) was not enough and we had to do a 2nd round for my husband. For most people, 1 round is sufficient but my dear, dear husband had so many inherited emotions from his ancestors (both father and mother’s side) dating as far back as 22 million generations!! Feeling unworthy crept up quite a few times (from different ancestors in different generations), insecurity and stubbornness.
One day, after we had completed the 1st round (5 sessions) of ECR, I noticed something different about my husband. Previously, whenever we went for family vacations, he would sit in a corner and be preoccupied with his phone. He would never take the kids for a swim or play with them. In his eyes, when let your hair down and have fun, you are making a complete fool out of yourself.
On this particular day, we went to a stream. My younger boy was afraid to get into the water but my husband gently coaxed and guided him into the water. Then he turned back and did the same for my younger girl. My husband actually sat in the stream with them, played with them and went fishing with them. This is the 1st time I have seen him having fun and actually enjoy spending time with the children. It was so amazing and heart warming. I witnessed a new version of him blossoming….he was happy, smiling, laughing, relaxed, present and enjoying himself.
We have just completed the 2nd last session and I was sharing with Dhennver and Hui Ling about how my husband is less triggered these days. And when we have a disagreement and exchange of words, things will blow over quickly and he will attempt to make peace with me.
The heaviness that he was buried so deep under has finally lifted….I can see that his face has brightened up; I also notice the sparkle in his eyes and the cheekiness in his smile. He gets excited when we talk about glamping, trying out new food and planning our retirement in a small town. He even embraced my motto ‘you only get to live once so try it just for the experience’
Where previously, he would walk ahead of me whenever we go out, he now drapes his hand around my shoulder and holds me close. The intimacy that vanished years ago has returned.
We can finally enjoy our time together, building happy memories. 2022 is going to be an amazing year for my husband with new business opportunities opening up for him. Thanks to ECR, I am able to continue to be by his side to love and support him as I have done all these years.
Thank you once again, Dhennver and Hui Ling. Thank you for the awesome life that my family is going to have from here on.